im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
