I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
