oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize