Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
