I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
