I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
