oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
