Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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