At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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