i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
