The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
