our cab driver is having phone sex.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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