dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
