At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
