i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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