I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
