fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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