I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
