So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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