Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
