"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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