She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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