dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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