I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
God I need to hump something, right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
