i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
