I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
