Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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