if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
