shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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