I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
