just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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