Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
