why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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