You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
