There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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