Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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