dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
