just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
