Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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