What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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