I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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