My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
