I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
