So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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