We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
