I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
