Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
