"it" just moved
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
