My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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