i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
