Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
