all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
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I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
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2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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