I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
