The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
