she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
