he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
