did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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