we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize