So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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