my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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