Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
