I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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