can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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