In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
