I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
