i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
