I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
