Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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