Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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