Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
