shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
